The last battleground of Western society

We can have our cake and eat it too but not without having someone tell you that what you’re eating is the very worst thing in the entire world that anyone has ever eaten ever.

Why is it that lunch is now the battleground of the twenty-first century? The life expectancy of a human being is now the longest it has been in the history of the human being. Shouldn’t we be rewarding ourselves with this good fortune? There’s only so much sunshine in the world and you only get to see so much of it. Wasting it on low fat whole wheat crackers seems a shame.

Freedom of speech is guaranteed to all of us who live in free nations. (At least ideally.) Freedom of eat should be the next thing on the freedom list. After all this is North America. We’ve got so much food that we don’t know what to do with it. We have contests built around it. We swim in it. Food is the oil that keeps the wheels of the world spinning.

Without the hearty delicious breakfast that we as a society require what is left of us during the rest of the day. We are hollow shells of ourselves. Walking like ghosts through the ether of the modern day. Without bacon there is no Great Wall of China. Without eggs there is no Hoover Dam. Without the footlong submarine sandwich there is no NASA.

If we allow the entire globe to become a mirror image of social repression a la California than we have truly let ourselves become the half brainless mentalcases that plague the fiction that we ourselves create. All over the world countries are going through the revolutions that much of the west has all but forgotten about. We’re going batshit over a few hundred extra calories while people are having their heads blown off because they said the word “bikini” in front of the wrong person.


End of the FUCKING UNIVERSE!


Just a Tuesday.

So let’s all do each other the simple favour of shutting the Hell up when we’re eating lunch.

Tweet #freedomofeat

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