Veggiefruit or I’m Stubborn


I don‘t consider the tomato a fruit. My stance on this is firm and I base it on the example set by the English language. Which is to ignore most of the generally accepted rules of Latin whenever it feels like it.

Now before you give me the gears allow me to present my argument.

Fruit juices and spreads:
Most fruits when squeezed render a sweet invigorating taste. Even the lemon is unmistakably robust when juiced.

When mashed to the proper consistency a fruit makes an excellent jam or jelly for breads, muffins, etc.

The tomato is capable of being squeezed and mashed in a similar fashion but the results are drastically different.

Tomato juice is a vile, oily shit concoction apparently designed in a laboratory adjacent to the one wherein the CIA refined the AIDS virus. Only three people have ever been able to finish an entire glass of tomato juice. Not only did they kill themselves collectively in a mutual suicide pact they took the rest of the passengers of their ship with them by causing the Titanic to run headlong into an iceberg in the middle of the Atlantic.

Tomato paste and/or tomato sauce and/or “ketchup” can be delightful when properly combined with the correct food item but since when would you put any of these substances on your dessert?

Fruit Salad:
Would you put tomato in a fruit salad? No you would not because that would be insane.

Pizza:
Pineapple aside there is no reason to place fruit on an Italian pie.

So whatever scientific evidence there may be to support the “fact” that tomatoes are fruits I am just gonna have to say to that, “Nah”.

Nah to the sticklers and the goody-two shoes. Nah to the people with night terrors and food obsessions.

Hell even the US Supreme Court is on the side of the vegetable-ness of the tomato.

So the next time you think of correcting someone and telling them that the tomato is a fruit just bite your prissy little tongue there, hombre.

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